After spending decades in familiar roles—whether as a professional, partner, and/or parent—contemplating a major life change can stir up a whirlwind of emotions. The idea of shaking up your life and stepping out of your comfort zone might feel exhilarating one moment and terrifying the next. You’re not alone if you’ve found yourself getting excited about possible life change but then paralysed by the fears that pop up. However, it’s a question of controlling those gremlins in our head!
Common Fears of Midlife Change
Let’s look at the most common ones – and ones that I certainly came up against each time I was considering a major leap: including buying a property 8 hours’ drive from home, starting to make wine with no previous experience or transforming a barn into a tasting room.
Fear of Failure: One of the most pervasive fears is the fear of failure. And it is kind of an umbrella under which other fears sit. After spending years building a career, maintaining a household, or establishing a reputation, the idea of starting something new and potentially failing can be daunting. The fear of failing publicly, in front of friends, family, or colleagues, can be really unnerving.
Fear of Judgment: You might worry about what people will think if you decide to make a drastic change, whether it’s changing careers, pursuing a new passion, or moving to a different city or country. ‘What will everyone think?’ you might be asking yourself!
Fear of the Unknown: Stepping out into unchartered waters without knowing what lies ahead, or how things might turn out, or even whether you’re making the right decision can be frightening, especially if you have had a settled, longstanding set of circumstances – jobs, teenage kids at home, partner etc – until now.
Fear of Losing Stability: For many, midlife represents a time when stability and security have been hard-earned. The thought of disrupting that stability, whether financially, emotionally, or socially, can trigger a deep-seated fear of losing what you’ve worked so hard to build.
Strategies for Overcoming Fear and Building Confidence
With the right mindset and strategies, you can overcome these fears and build the confidence you need to embrace change and thrive in this new chapter:
Look at Failure differently:
What constitutes failure will depend on what you define as eventual success! Get specific as to what failure in your specific life change would be. Accept that some things will fail but that doesn’t mean you are a failure. So what is the worst that could happen? Yes, if you are going into a totally new area, moving country or launching a new business, there are some huge catastrophes that could happen if you don’t plan and leave everything to chance but realistically, you are not going to risk all your life’s savings or burn bridges without some safeguards in place. This was one of my fears so I never put myself at any risk financially – I took it slowly, a tiny step at a time and always within my budget because the risk of losing my home or savings was not something I could take.
·Think about worst case scenarios and guard against those then accept that small failures will happen and will provide valuable lessons that can guide you closer to success. Remember, the most successful people have often experienced failure in some form multiple times before achieving their goals.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk:
The fear of judgment and self-doubt often stems from negative self-talk—the inner critic that tells you you’re not good enough or that you’ll never succeed. Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself whether they’re based on facts or unfounded fears. Replace negative self-talk with reminders of your strengths, achievements, and the unique qualities that make you capable of handling change.
Listen to those that count: Only listen to 2 groups of people a) real experts on a subject that is important to your life change as they will likely have valuable insights in the subject that can help reduce your chance of failure and b) those that really love and believe in you and your abilities and truly want the best for you. Anyone else’s opinions is just noise. Would you let those who are jealous, don’t know you properly or have no knowledge of what you want to do influence the course of your life?
Take Small Steps: Break down your goal into smaller, manageable steps. Instead of focusing on the entire journey, take one step at a time. Each small achievement will build your confidence and reduce the overwhelming feeling that often accompanies major change. Whether it’s updating your CV, taking a course or connecting with someone in your area of interest, they will all help and fuel your enthusiasm and confidence. I started with a wine course and once I began imagining starting a winery, I started by spending time in Bordeaux, continuing wine studies.
Embrace the Unknown: While the unknown can be intimidating, instead of fearing it, make curiosity your natural approach. Don’t be afraid to ask questions – even the simple ones that everyone else daren’t ask. I asked a ton of questions of everyone I met with winemaker neighbours and anyone linked to wine in Bordeaux that I met. Everyone was happy to share really valuable information with this person who ‘knew nothing’. If you keep humble and stay curious your knowledge will grow and the unknown and fear of it will shrink.
These fears are natural in midlife when so much of life has felt established and on an even keel for a long time However, by reframing failure, challenging negative self-talk, and taking small, intentional steps, you can build confidence to embrace change and thrive. Remember, midlife is an opportunity to explore and grow. So take a deep breath, trust in your ability to navigate the unknown, and step boldly towards the next chapter.
For more insights then why not read my book: Make the Midlife Move: A Practical Guide to Flourish after Fifty or other blogs on this topic
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