Able to be 100% Authentic? How Midlife Makes that Possible

Authenticity is a choice for us to make - but it might only be from midlife that we have the freedom to make that choice. Throughout our lives, we take on roles such as trying to be the 'perfect' parent, the high-achieving professional, the supportive partner, or the dutiful daughter or son. We aren’t pretending to be someone we are not, but we are potentially bending to please those we care about or those that help us pay the bills. Most of us want to be authentic as far as we can but let’s face it, most of us are authentic at some times and not others because we may have to fit in with someone else’s vision, for example at work, act out of duty or guilt, or because we want to make someone we love happy. As we move through midlife, and consider a life change while some of these roles move down the priority list, it is a real opportunity to follow our own path and relax into being our true self most (if not all) of the time.

Authenticity needs raw honesty aligned to our personal beliefs and the process of peeling back these layers can be both challenging and liberating. As well as honesty, it needs self-awareness, and a willingness to let go of identities that no longer fit - making room for you to be just you.

Three steps towards the more authentic you

Steps to Embrace Your Authentic Self:

Embracing authenticity is a gradual process of rediscovering and nurturing the parts that may have been sidelined. I lived in Paris for 10 years and then on the Côte d’Azur for15, before moving to the vineyard. I loved my corporate life and travelling or going out in Paris or Cannes often meant dressing up in smart clothes, high heels or evening wear. Even the village where I lived, when people were casual, they were still well-dressed. So being relatively smart was the norm. When I spent time at the vineyard in the early days, I loved the fact that I could poodle about on my own, wear worn grubby shorts, wellies and an old t-shirt while in the vines. I felt free and rediscovered a love of being close to the land that I had forgotten I loved!

Here are some steps that might help:

• Reflect on Your Values and Passions: What activities make you feel alive and fulfilled? What might you have left behind in the busyness of life? Journaling can be a powerful tool for getting to these insights.

• Ponder on Your Life Goals: As you move through midlife, your goals may shift. What once seemed most important—like climbing the corporate ladder or juggling a family's daily needs —might no longer resonate. Children leaving home, parents dying or losing autonomy and the menopause are huge changes, and all contribute to us reassessing what is next. Our authentic selves can serve as an anchor or a guiding light and reference point to set new goals for the next chapter.

• Engage in Activities that you have neglected: Start incorporating activities that align with your interests and passions which you may have put to one side because of time restraints with all the other things you had to juggle. Whether it's taking up a new hobby, volunteering for a cause you care about, or simply spending more time doing what you love, they can help you feel more connected to you again.

Will we be judged?

We worry about how our friends, family, and colleagues might react if we start to change or express ourselves differently. Show yourself a touch of self-compassion and remind yourself that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. The more you embrace your true self, the less power others' opinions will have over you.

Finding the Fifty something You

The Benefits of Authenticity

Authenticity empowers decision making and you start making choices based on your real wants and values which in turn can bring more peace and fulfilment. However, it can also be tough acknowledging vulnerabilities and facing fears of judgement or even rejection by others. But over time, relationships become more meaningful because they’re based on genuine connection - some old ones may fall by the wayside, but others will grow. You’re likely to feel more empowered and confident, knowing that your choices reflect your true self.

Look at the authentic women you know or have come across – don’t you truly admire their pursuit of being unapologetically themselves? The journey to authenticity may not always be easy, but the rewards are well worth the effort.

After being a Mum of two sons, a daughter with a Mum who had ongoing illness and holding down a corporate job to pay for the life I wanted to provide for them, it was so freeing to choose my new path 100% according to what I wanted to do. I may not have set out to create an award-winning winery and export my wines all over the world, but I took small steps, enjoying each one for what it was – wine studies, renovating a house, building a community around me in a new area where I knew no one. I did them all according to my own parameters and timeline.

As we journey through midlife and beyond, embracing authenticity can be one of the most empowering steps we take. It’s a chance to shed the expectations that no longer serve and adjust to live in alignment with our true selves. Midlife is a beginning—a time to create a life that reflects our deepest values and desires. So, take a deep breath, trust in your journey, and embrace the authentic, wonderful person you are. The best is yet to come.

‘No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.’

Virginia Woolf